WHEN REGENCY MALL WAS COOL

It was billed as heaven
Back in sixty-seven
When a new mall opened its doors

All our favorites were there
Sitting there in a square
We could park and shop and adore

People climbed in their cars
From close by and afar
To check out this new shopping place

Ladies with gloves and hats
Had to be “where it’s at”
This new mall got a grand embrace

Yet, the story is told
They were there for the cold
Air conditioning was sublime

They had none back at home
They were now free to roam
This “cool” didn’t cost them a dime

Back in sixty-seven
It was shopping heaven
Worth skipping class at the high school

When we first heard of Malls
Wow, did we have a ball!
Back when Regency Mall was “cool!”

SOMEBODY'S DEAD IN THERE!

Out back of Johnny Enfinger’s house

His Daddy kept and old shed

Word was we should never go inside

Or we would find somebody dead

No one ever had to tell me twice

I was nearly scared to death

Just hearin’ him tell me to stay out

Dragged me down to my last breath

But, of course, someone took that dare

Thinkin’ there was nuthin’ to it

The Carmichael boys, Seth and Jake

Decided they would do it

The very next night they went out

And, found the old thing was locked

Seth went to the truck for a tool

Leaving Jake to face the shock

Jake peeked through a dirty window

And, shined his flashlight in

Human bones stacked up in short piles

Wiped his face from that grin

Seth came back but Jake wasn’t there

Folks heard Seth’s scream for miles

The flashlight’s beam from inside the shed

Held fast on a new bone pile

THE HACKING OLD LADY

She coughed with a hack like the devil

Cigarettes had taken their toll

Looking every bit of her vast years

Though I didn’t know just how old

“Did you hear that young girl over there?”

Looking back as she spoke to me

“She’s complaining about her new job

Bet she don’t work as hard as me!”

“Kids today they don’t know a damn thing

Except how to bitch and complain

They got it too good I’m tellin’ ya

Don’t even use half of their brains!”

I stared at her as she went on and on

Her face was a twisted up knot

I wasn’t sure if she made some sense

Or, maybe she didn’t know squat

“Oh don’t get me wrong I’m getting old”

“But, I’m happy to do the work”

“I sure won’t sit around and complain”

“Folks would call this old broad a jerk!”

I finally got the nerve to ask her

Knowing she was older than me

Just how long had she been on this earth

She yelled out like a crazed banshee

“Hell! I’m gonna be fifty next year!!”

I turned my head the other way

I guess it was good my jaw had dropped

Since I had nothing more to say

This crazy old loud hacking woman

That I had “pigeon holed” you see

Was not what I had assumed at all

Oh dear Lord! She’s younger than me!

The moral of my story is clear

It’s really not smart to assume

Or, you might spend the rest of your days

Pickin’ your jaw up with a broom!

VALENTINES

A pack of pretty greetin’ cards

Is what I remember best

Some covered with lotsa glitter

Out shinin’ all of the rest!

Red hearts in all shapes and sizes

Each printed with sweet little rhymes

Askin’ the ones that received ‘em

If they’d be my Valentine!

It was fun to give mine out first

And, hide in the back to see

When they read those pretty cards

What they would say about me!

I always got a lotta cards too

My friends were so sweet back then

Delightin’ me with what they said

And, signing their names in PEN!

Valentine’s Day was so much fun

When I was near eight or nine.

Each one brings a smile to my face

Those Valentine days of mine!

Now I have a new group of friends

Who mean all the world to me

And as they read these words I write

I’ll be watching quietly

I hope they’ll think of big red hearts

And, remember those sweet rhymes

Knowing it’s from MY heart I ask

“Won’t YOU be my Valentine???”

LAUNDRY DANCE

Sorting through all of my laundry today

I suddenly realized

There were memories gathering around me

Dancing brilliantly on the clothes

A shirt that needed starch for Grandpa Joe

He wore one almost every day

And, Dad’s short sleeve dress shirt was there too

He loved them in the hot weather

Ah! Mema’s apron is on the pile there

I smell her biscuits cookin’ too

Aunt Mary’s skirt with stitched decorations

As she sits at the piano

My favorite dress of Mama’s comes to call

Chanel Number Five wafts around me

And, I think of that dress and how she looked

On the arm of my Dad that night

There’s that tight pair of jeans from high school days

Boy, did I think I looked good then

A cap and gown times three join in the dance

The “Gentle” cycle for each one

The dance ends on this laundry day

Others will join in the next time

Some needing a little extra scrubbing

While most will waltz in their own style

Oops! Look at that! “DEAR” Aunt Martha’s sweater

Memories of her switch linger on

I think I’ll wash it in the HOT cycle

And, hang it on the line to dry!

THE BITE OF A BASEBALL GAME

When the knock came at the door that afternoon

My mom was not all that surprised

“Your dog bit my son” said our next-door neighbor

“Oh my” was my Mom’s quick reply

“Yeah, he jumped your fence to get his baseball”

“The dog wasn’t happy he did”

“So, she nipped him on the leg as he climbed back”

“It bled some and he’s scared to death”

Mom and the neighbor have had this talk before

Jimmy sure liked to climb our fence

He never learned that valuable lesson, though

Our dog was happy to oblige

There was no talk about who paid the doctor

There was no lawsuit ever filed

Back then, this was a kid who loved his baseball

Getting bit was part of the game

SMARTER

Maybe I was suppose to be smarter

It certainly possible to me

I can see where I could have been better

With more education, you see?

In the old days, it was called “book learnin’”

Which meant reading a lot and such

I thought I had gone through a lot of books

But, now it don’t seem like so much

I guess my verbs get in the way of some nouns

I find some math such a puzzle

I have a confession about spelling

I am completely bum-fuzzled!

Oh yeah, my grammar gets a little lapse

When I try the prepositions

You have probably already figured out

Teaching was not my ambition

While I know I’m not quite as smart as some

I think I’m stuck with what I’ve got

No sense trying to act any smarter

‘Cause a politician I am not!