WHEN REGENCY MALL WAS COOL

It was billed as heaven
Back in sixty-seven
When a new mall opened its doors

All our favorites were there
Sitting there in a square
We could park and shop and adore

People climbed in their cars
From close by and afar
To check out this new shopping place

Ladies with gloves and hats
Had to be “where it’s at”
This new mall got a grand embrace

Yet, the story is told
They were there for the cold
Air conditioning was sublime

They had none back at home
They were now free to roam
This “cool” didn’t cost them a dime

Back in sixty-seven
It was shopping heaven
Worth skipping class at the high school

When we first heard of Malls
Wow, did we have a ball!
Back when Regency Mall was “cool!”

SOMEBODY'S DEAD IN THERE!

Out back of Johnny Enfinger’s house

His Daddy kept and old shed

Word was we should never go inside

Or we would find somebody dead

No one ever had to tell me twice

I was nearly scared to death

Just hearin’ him tell me to stay out

Dragged me down to my last breath

But, of course, someone took that dare

Thinkin’ there was nuthin’ to it

The Carmichael boys, Seth and Jake

Decided they would do it

The very next night they went out

And, found the old thing was locked

Seth went to the truck for a tool

Leaving Jake to face the shock

Jake peeked through a dirty window

And, shined his flashlight in

Human bones stacked up in short piles

Wiped his face from that grin

Seth came back but Jake wasn’t there

Folks heard Seth’s scream for miles

The flashlight’s beam from inside the shed

Held fast on a new bone pile

THE HACKING OLD LADY

She coughed with a hack like the devil

Cigarettes had taken their toll

Looking every bit of her vast years

Though I didn’t know just how old

“Did you hear that young girl over there?”

Looking back as she spoke to me

“She’s complaining about her new job

Bet she don’t work as hard as me!”

“Kids today they don’t know a damn thing

Except how to bitch and complain

They got it too good I’m tellin’ ya

Don’t even use half of their brains!”

I stared at her as she went on and on

Her face was a twisted up knot

I wasn’t sure if she made some sense

Or, maybe she didn’t know squat

“Oh don’t get me wrong I’m getting old”

“But, I’m happy to do the work”

“I sure won’t sit around and complain”

“Folks would call this old broad a jerk!”

I finally got the nerve to ask her

Knowing she was older than me

Just how long had she been on this earth

She yelled out like a crazed banshee

“Hell! I’m gonna be fifty next year!!”

I turned my head the other way

I guess it was good my jaw had dropped

Since I had nothing more to say

This crazy old loud hacking woman

That I had “pigeon holed” you see

Was not what I had assumed at all

Oh dear Lord! She’s younger than me!

The moral of my story is clear

It’s really not smart to assume

Or, you might spend the rest of your days

Pickin’ your jaw up with a broom!

VALENTINES

A pack of pretty greetin’ cards

Is what I remember best

Some covered with lotsa glitter

Out shinin’ all of the rest!

Red hearts in all shapes and sizes

Each printed with sweet little rhymes

Askin’ the ones that received ‘em

If they’d be my Valentine!

It was fun to give mine out first

And, hide in the back to see

When they read those pretty cards

What they would say about me!

I always got a lotta cards too

My friends were so sweet back then

Delightin’ me with what they said

And, signing their names in PEN!

Valentine’s Day was so much fun

When I was near eight or nine.

Each one brings a smile to my face

Those Valentine days of mine!

Now I have a new group of friends

Who mean all the world to me

And as they read these words I write

I’ll be watching quietly

I hope they’ll think of big red hearts

And, remember those sweet rhymes

Knowing it’s from MY heart I ask

“Won’t YOU be my Valentine???”

LAUNDRY DANCE

Sorting through all of my laundry today

I suddenly realized

There were memories gathering around me

Dancing brilliantly on the clothes

A shirt that needed starch for Grandpa Joe

He wore one almost every day

And, Dad’s short sleeve dress shirt was there too

He loved them in the hot weather

Ah! Mema’s apron is on the pile there

I smell her biscuits cookin’ too

Aunt Mary’s skirt with stitched decorations

As she sits at the piano

My favorite dress of Mama’s comes to call

Chanel Number Five wafts around me

And, I think of that dress and how she looked

On the arm of my Dad that night

There’s that tight pair of jeans from high school days

Boy, did I think I looked good then

A cap and gown times three join in the dance

The “Gentle” cycle for each one

The dance ends on this laundry day

Others will join in the next time

Some needing a little extra scrubbing

While most will waltz in their own style

Oops! Look at that! “DEAR” Aunt Martha’s sweater

Memories of her switch linger on

I think I’ll wash it in the HOT cycle

And, hang it on the line to dry!

THE BITE OF A BASEBALL GAME

When the knock came at the door that afternoon

My mom was not all that surprised

“Your dog bit my son” said our next-door neighbor

“Oh my” was my Mom’s quick reply

“Yeah, he jumped your fence to get his baseball”

“The dog wasn’t happy he did”

“So, she nipped him on the leg as he climbed back”

“It bled some and he’s scared to death”

Mom and the neighbor have had this talk before

Jimmy sure liked to climb our fence

He never learned that valuable lesson, though

Our dog was happy to oblige

There was no talk about who paid the doctor

There was no lawsuit ever filed

Back then, this was a kid who loved his baseball

Getting bit was part of the game

SMARTER

Maybe I was suppose to be smarter

It certainly possible to me

I can see where I could have been better

With more education, you see?

In the old days, it was called “book learnin’”

Which meant reading a lot and such

I thought I had gone through a lot of books

But, now it don’t seem like so much

I guess my verbs get in the way of some nouns

I find some math such a puzzle

I have a confession about spelling

I am completely bum-fuzzled!

Oh yeah, my grammar gets a little lapse

When I try the prepositions

You have probably already figured out

Teaching was not my ambition

While I know I’m not quite as smart as some

I think I’m stuck with what I’ve got

No sense trying to act any smarter

‘Cause a politician I am not!

THE PRESSURE OF A RHYME

Here I sit in the middle of these words

That say they’d like to rhyme

Yet never offer any suggestions

Of how it is to be

Should I make something up to appease them?

Why should I do the work?

If they were good words as they seem to say

They’d fall in line just so

Line after line goes on without a rhyme

This isn’t poetry!

Ah, yes it is! Poems don’t have to rhyme

There is “free verse”, you know?

Not satisfied they sit and stare at me

Words with a grand mission

Spin the clock or stir the pot – just do it!

Anxious little words too

There are more words now gathering around

I feel the pressure grow

What to write to make all of them happy?

Oh, my! I just don’t know

POP'S TAMPA NUGGETS

It was not in the best of shape as he

Retrieved it from the desk drawer

Yet when he opened the box to show me

All that he had saved – he grinned

Bands were in the Tampa Nugget box he

Held firm with both his hands

Cigar bands from dozens of cigars he

Smoked over the days and years

He handed me a new catalog of great

Items that he could receive

All he had to do was mail in some of

Those bands to Tampa Nugget

As I child, I thought how lucky it was

To be Pop and get free gifts

I even offered to start smoking them

So that I could win something

Pop patted me on the head and told me

To get on outside and play

But, I lingered long enough to get a

Good look at that catalog

I think about that old box of cigar

Bands every once in awhile

Wondering what Pop bought over the years as

It got too full to close

The real truth is - Pop was a lot like

That ol’ box of cigar bands

Wishes and dreams were right there at his finger

Tips to do with as he pleased

Just maybe that box was filled with more than

I realized way back then

Shared grins and whispers with his granddaughter

Could have kept it more than full

WHAT STYLE IS THIS?

What style is this that I write in prose

Someone smarter surely knows

Does it show my talent the best way

Should I try another way?

Oh right there! I used the “way” word twice

Oh good grief what rhymes with twice?

I doubt I’ll ever know all the rules

I’ll be the poetry “fool”

There will be no “acting” on my part

I only write from my heart

Well, I use my brain and some fingers

Oh no! What rhymes with fingers?

What style is this that I write in prose

Wait there’s an itch on my nose!

I guess it’s best that I end this now

Would someone please tell me how?

THE ECONOMY IS BAD.. OR, IS IT?

The economy is in a tailspin

Or, maybe it’s not so bad

This recession is really quite normal

Or, the worst we’ve ever had

I should buy stock while the price is so low

Or, sit on my mattress filled green

Plan right now to spend less in this new year

Or, order online like a queen!

I should take out a loan to buy a new house

But, no one will give me a loan

I shouldn’t fret ‘cause the gas price is down

But, it would be wise to stay home

Maybe I read too much in all of this

Or, perhaps I don’t read enough

Maybe I should trust all the pundits

Or, are they’re just calling my bluff?

Spend cash! It’s great for the economy!

Are there any lessons offered?

Go out for dinner to a fancy place

Stay home and micro some Stouffers

There are lots of boarded up factories

Coffee shops wherever you go

Where drones stand in line for over an hour

Paying big bucks for all that “joe”

Some say wait until we get a new Prez

Some say it doesn’t quite matter

Actually, I’m not sure what I should think

I’m leaning towards the latter

SOMETIMES YOU WANT THINGS SO BAD

Sometimes you want something so bad that you can’t get your mind off of it. You finish other people’s sentence with it. You wake up in the morning and it’s the first thing that comes to your mind.

Years ago, it was a doll for me. And, that evolved into a gold charm bracelet. And, then.. and, then.. I guess it is a life process. Going through periods of time where you desperately want something. Not everyone feels the same way, of course. What you want is not even a blip on their road map. And, by the same token, their wants are stupid.

I’m not going to talk about world news or politics here. The wants of everyone is so diverse it makes my mind spin. And, I reach for the mute so often during the last political campaign that my latest want is a new remote with an operating mute button.

Perhaps what this is really all about is that we all have different wants. And, yes, some are stupid and some are actually pretty good. Making positive plans to move forward is usually on a new year’s want list. Good health, more money and a new job lead the list for 2016 as it has done for many years before.

This year, I don’t have anything I want so bad that I can’t get it off my mind. Unless it would be that pretty red BMW I saw of the East Beltway last week. Then again, I don’t NEED it. But, who’s talking about that?

Happy New Year to you and yours! And, may all of your “wants” (or, at least the ones you can’t live without) come true!

SOUTHERN SPEAK AND DIRTY WORDS

When I first started writing in college, I was writing radio commercials. I was scared to death. It was so important to me that I not write in a southern accent. You see, the dismissal of my own southern accent was thrust upon me by one of my professors. He made a large sign for me to wear on my back for an entire day. On the sign was written, “The word is pronounced GET not GIT”.

Yes, I was born and raised in the south. And, when I first learned to talk, the “g’s” on the end of certain words were simply not there. I was “goin’ outside” and “fixin’ to go to school”. I spoke in the language of my parents and all of my relatives. Yes, I suppose you could call us “rednecks”. But, Dad would add “royalty” after redneck.

Now, before you get all hot under the collar, let me tell you what WE thought of that “R” word back in the day. We were proud resourceful southerners who appreciated the old time values of doing things on our own and not relying on the help of anyone else.  And, the sophisticated folks were just snobs. It wasn’t until later on that we realized that the “city folk” thought we were stupid for not doing things more modern like buying a tractor instead of using a mule to plow. I guess back then everyone was either smart or not.

Not that long ago, the “R” word has cost a woman her job in my town. And, the interesting thing is, she wasn’t yelling it out the window or saying it in a court of law. She wasn’t even calling someone she didn’t know a horrible term. She was speaking of her husband. But, I won’t get into why some felt it wrong while others thought it was ridiculous. It is their affair, not mine.

I will speak of why I jumped at the chance to get rid of my accent. I got off the subject there for a minute. I apologize.

I was told I wouldn’t make it as a radio or television announcer unless I sounded like I came from the Midwest. I also probably wouldn’t make it because I was a woman. Yes, this was years ago when women weren’t in broadcasting. Or, they were not in front of a microphone. So, there I was, a teenager who had to overlook my sex and my speech in order to do a job that probably wasn’t there.

My Mama called me “hard headed”. If you Google that term, you’ll see that it means not easily deceived. But, I know that my Mama meant it as being stubborn as the day is long.

So, when all of the business about getting into broadcasting came along, I saw nothing wrong with pressing forward to this unrealistic goal. Bless her, she supported my efforts and along with my Daddy was proud to hear my recorded voice over the years to come.

The point of this step back in time is to tell you something you already know. People are more mean spirited now than we would have thought they would ever be. We keep saying we are learning lessons and, yet, we don’t. We make fun of people. We don’t trust each other and are afraid. Nowadays, if a professor were to write a sign and force a student to wear it, he or she would face some sort of disciplinary action.

As for me, I’m still hard headed. And, I can git rite back to tawkin’ without enny g’s whenevah I feel the urge to speak in my redneck heritage. And, if I were to share a little truth here, it would be about the fear I feel in these more (cough) modern times.

I simply wish that those who are mean spirited and speak in the language of dirty words would keep it to themselves.

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”
― Scottish Proverb